Willy’s II Article
Let me start off by saying it again, I had buried the hatchet after receiving that Article 15; but I always remember where each hatchet gets buried and have never had a problem digging it back up. The damage had been done, punishment dealt and I’d agreed that the joke was over until further notice. There were no intentions of speaking to other reporters or pushing the envelope any further, at least until I was out of the service.
Simply said, it was foolish of that First Sergeant to think that I wouldn’t retaliate after placing me on such a ridiculous schedule. Twenty four hour guard shifts every other day for an extended period of time is asking for backlash under damn near any circumstances, let alone this. The army loves their rules and regulations, hence why I got punished (which was understandable) in the first place. But keep in mind that technically they had broken the rules by issuing me an Article 15; It’s called double punishment.
My immediate supervisors had originally issued me a negative counseling statement and had ordered me to write the 1000 word essay. Speaking of which, you might be wondering, “Hey whatever happened to that? Well, the essay was just plain lame. Sometimes I am not funny and anyone who had skimmed through it in the slightest bit probably forgot that they even read it to begin with. The point is that First Sergeant D-Bag broke our truce which called for Tater Retaliation…
To me, as with anything else in life, this was very much like a game of chess from start to finish. The leadership had played into it perfectly in the sense that all they had to do was leave it at the negative counseling / essay and the hype would have died within seventy two hours or so. But no, they wanted to keep playing games and it just so happens that this is Tater’s favorite activity. Immediately after arriving at my first twenty four hour guard shift I’d called that reporter from the Army Times and conducted an interview right there on the spot.
The second article was published the next day and once again it had gone viral. Just about everyone loved the story and were surprised that I received an Article 15. The vast majority of comments were positive although there were some people here and there who weren’t so thrilled. You can’t expect everyone to be happy unfortunately.
Now, I’m all for criticism, don’t get me wrong. It’s important to embrace if you want to improve yourself but there’s a huge difference between constructive criticism and being a straight up Tater Hater. They’d criticized the event by saying things like “Oh, he’s an idiot (this goes straight to my core), he should have waited until he got out of the army before posting the picture on social media blah, blah blah.” My response is that the story wouldn’t have been as entertaining had I not gotten in trouble for it and by no means am I an idiot (that’s where constructive criticism crosses the line).
The most important thing at the end of the day is that most of those who’d heard the story found it hilarious. People from literally every continent (with the exception of Antarctica) reached out to me on social media and expressed how funny they thought the incident was. They wanted to know all about Willy’s background; his age, where he’s from and if he’s single or open to dating humans (of course he is). It was an exciting time for me because I had always wanted to stand out for something or “be famous.” Although, my vision for the future had been much different than gaining recognition by jumping out of an airplane with a fish. Whatever…
Just about everyone wants to be recognized for something, especially as Americans where we’re encouraged to believe that we should be number one at everything and go on to achieve great things in life. This seems to set us up for failure and disappointment more than anything but so it goes (thanks Disney).
In my head at the time, things were only getting started. Even though the event was completely unexpected, I was thinking “Hell yea, I finally made it; I’ve been recognized and soon I’ll meet the right people and we’ll get The Great Progression Plan up off the ground and into full effect. It’s just a matter of time, perhaps six months from now everyone will see and come to understand what this plan is all about and it’ll be celebrated (as it should).”
However, there were other things going on inside of me which led to a series of… unfortunate events. We’ll save this for another time though. The only fact that matters is that I was unprepared to capitalize on the event. I know what you’re thinking “Well Matt, excuses are tools of the incompetent that build mountains of nothingness, and those who use them seldom amount to anything.” In my defense, there were already plans set in motion for after the army. I’d been accepted into a university about a month or so prior to the event so come fall, the first semester would officially begin.
Looking back at everything and knowing what I know now, I would have done things much differently. I still would have released the picture while actively serving and even hoped for that Article 15. I was getting out of the army in just a couple of months so it would have taken an act of congress in order to get me to truly care. What I would have done differently is had some sort of product, even just a simple T-Shirt or hat ready to sell and a facebook page or Instagram account set up as well. Surely this would have made a decent amount of money and set me up further to implement my grand plan but… “Could have, should have, would have, didn’t.” You live and you learn.
After it was all said and done, the two stories posted by The Army Times made their list of the top five most popular articles of 2015. Simultaneously, I set an unofficial but highly probable record for the most Serious Incident Reports within a two week time frame in US military history (hell yea) and made new friends from all over the world.
Sadly, Willy passed during the fall of that year. He was old, tired and ready to slip away. It still breaks my heart thinking about him but life goes on… Before he made his final leap I’d made a promise that one day we’d not only get that plan up off the ground but also go to space. So, I froze Willy’s body the same way they did with Walt Disney and by the grace of god, he will be revived and we will complete the mission shoulder to shoulder. I’m still young, highly motivated and determined to make this happen, even if I have to hijack one of Mr. Musk’s fancy rockets. Until then, it’s one day at a time ladies and gentlemen…
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