The sky was surprisingly clear. There wasn’t a single cloud in sight as now the weather was bright and sunny. Willy and I were surprised after gaining proper control of our canopy because the conditions were nearly perfect. I did my safety checks then took a complete look around to make sure there were no jumpers nearby that I might collide with. The coast was clear and now it was time to get to work.
Taking selfies while jumping is nothing new in the Airborne. Damn near everyone does it at least once in their career. I’d done it several times at this point but never with a fish. Thankfully I was prepared due to rehearsals from the night before; I reached into my shoulder pocket to grab the iphone then took Willy out of my cargo pocket and began snapping photos. The ground was approaching fast so I started putting everything away; that’s when I took one last glimpse and saw a C-17 coming inbound. I thought: One more for good luck and that just so happened to be the best picture out of all the others. This is a prime example of what happens when you go the extra mile.
Me and Willy’s primary concern was whether or not he would survive the landing itself. Jumping out of the plane is no big deal because the parachute almost always opens; landing is really what makes you pucker up. The object of Airborne Operations is to get us from the plane onto the ground as fast as possible, so you approach the ground fairly fast considering the situation. Average speed of descent is anywhere from eighteen (28.96 kph) to twenty four (38.62 kph) miles per hour. We were told that it’s equivalent to jumping from the second floor of a building but I never cared enough to find out first hand. We don’t land standing up as you see with traditional skydiving. Instead, we fall properly by doing something called a PLF (Plant, Land, Fall).
Willy and I had discussed alternative ways of doing the PLF in order to avoid crushing him. We even practiced at rehearsals the night before and thankfully the training paid off because it turned out to be one of the softest landings I’d ever had. Immediately after hitting the ground I got up and checked to see if Willy was alright. He was better than just alright, he was great. It was as if he had evolved or something; his eyes were a bit more fierce and seemed to be a different shade of blue (much more vibrant if you asked me). We packed up our chute, ran over to the regrouping area. I see my buddy and he says “Tater! Did Willy make it”?
“Hell yea.” We looked at the pictures and at first I wasn’t all that impressed to be honest (We are our own worst critic at the end of the day). Maybe it was the way the sun was bouncing off my phone’s screen, or maybe it was the fact that I was incredibly depressed at the time but either way, my buddy grabbed my phone and started laughing. “That’s hilarious bro! You should submit that into US Army WTF Moments (this is a popular military facebook group).”
“You think they’ll accept it?” There was only one way to find out of course… I sent them the picture and whoever initially got the message thought it was just a regular water bottle in my hand and replied with something along the lines of “Haha stay hydrated Airborne!”
“Nahhh there’s a fish in there, his name is Willy MakeIt.” They responded with some sort of an lol and said they’d be happy to post it the next day. Normally they blur out your face and name tag for safety reasons (mostly to avoid punishment from command) but I specifically asked them not to do that. “I want full credit for this one.” Why blur out my face or hide my name? What’s the worst that could happen? Forty days of extra duty at a reduced salary maximum. This would have still been well worth it. Besides, I didn’t have a whole lot of time left in the army anyways.
They posted the picture the next day and it blew right up. I can remember hitting the refresh button on my browser over and over because it was so unbelievable how the likes and comments just kept going up. It felt as though I’d thrown a stone through the window to the world. My buddies were calling and texting me, my family’s group chat was talking all about it and most of which were all good reactions. I called home to my parents and my father had said “You better hope you don’t get in trouble over this.” I’m like, no way. My chain of command doesn’t have FaceBook. They would never find out and even if they did, they’ll forget about it by Monday.
Sure enough, Monday comes around and everyone is mentioning it as I come walking in to work. “There he is! How’s Willy? I saw that post on W.T.F Moments!” I’d just laugh and give some sort of half witted response. Nobody gave any negative reactions; my direct line of supervisors thought it was funny so I figured it’d be over with by the end of the day. At some point however tensions started to build as an NCO whom I’d known for quite some time had approached me and said that a “Serious Incident Report (SIR) was filed on me and Willy’s behalf.
This is literally never a good thing. Although, they’re almost always on behalf of much worse events (I.e- homicide, suicide, DUI etc) so I still wasn’t all that worked up about it. However, my immediate chain of supervisors were starting to get a bit frustrated. Whenever an SIR is conducted the Post Commander is given a briefing and it just so happens that this particular individual is about as high of a ranking officer as you can get. There are over 54,000 US military personnel stationed at Fort Bragg and this guy is the Head Honcho. It wasn’t long after hearing news about this SIR that a call came in; “Tater, we’re going to have to reprimand you somehow, command is starting to make a fuss out of this so something needs to be done. Come into the office as soon as possible.”
Arriving into the office, the mood was much different. They were clearly under pressure from higher ups (understandably) but were still acting lenient towards me. I was on good terms with these guys so they did what they could to look out for me. After discussing what was going on my platoon sergeant told me that I have to write a 1,000 word essay on safety during Airborne Operations and that I’d be receiving a negative counseling. “Most importantly though, we want the shenanigans to end immediately. Do not post anything on social media, just let this all blow over and lay low Tater.”
I said “Roger that, it’s over with.” This punishment was a simple slap on the wrist. I type 1,000 word essays for breakfast and a negative counseling is just a piece of paper that explains how what I did was wrong so you sign off on it and they put it in your records. I was getting out of the army soon anyways so none of that mattered. My leadership had given me several punishments like this over the years so it was nothing new really. “Looks like Tater’s writing another essay again.”
The day went on and I was sitting in my car when a reporter from the Army Times sends me a message on Facebook. She asked if I’d be willing to do an interview and at first I had declined her request. My leadership had told me to lay low, avoid social media and let all of this blow over, so that’s what I was in the process of doing. The lady was understanding and told me to reach out if there was any change in mind.
When the following day arrived, people were still making remarks about Willy. I still couldn’t believe how much everyone liked it. Not one person had actually scolded me so it was a nice atmosphere to be around. However, rumors were still floating around that our higher ups were discussing the issue and that I should expect an Article 15. I didn’t believe any of it. “Bullshit, that’s fake news. You’re all fake news and I want nothing to do with you. They already gave me a negative counseling so they can’t double punish me; that’s literally against army rules and regulations.”
My supervisors were calling all throughout the day, giving updates as it was becoming more and more clear that this incident was far from over. It sounded like a 100% guarantee that they were going to give me an Article 15 and that’s where I had to put my foot down because technically this would be double punishment. The army is all about rules and regulations so I figured that it'd be best to be proactive. I messaged that reporter from the Army Times and thankfully she was still interested in doing an interview. We set up a time to do it over the phone and about a day or so later, the story was published which quickly went viral. “That oughta give them a real reason to issue me an Article 15.”
Now the atmosphere at work was much different. A few people were a bit upset but the vast majority of people thought it was even more hilarious. There was a lot of laughing, funny little remarks and random questions like “Is Willy gonna help write that essay? You’re definitely getting an Article 15 now! You’re so fucked Tater!!! Hahaha” To which I’d respond with: “I know! LOL” My main concern was the majority’s opinion so as long as the Joe’s (lower enlisted personnel) had approved, which they did; it didn’t matter to me what the leadership thought at this point because in reality, I was pretty upset over the fact that they were pushing for an Article 15 after the fact that I had already been punished.
It didn’t take long for my immediate chain to approach me and now they were a bit fed up. “Tater, we told you not to talk to any reporters; what is this all about?” “Well, the best kind of defense is a good offense Sergeant.” “Good one, except now you’re definitely getting an article 15. I’m sorry but I can’t help you out this time. We have to go meet with the Brigade Command Sergeant Major later this evening so be ready for whatever comes of this.” To which I simply replied, “Roger sergeant.”
A Brigade Sergeant Major is a pretty big deal as they are in charge of between 3,500-5,000 people so now things were getting real. There was no specific time as to when our meeting would start other than after 17:00… Well, 21:00 rolls around and we finally get called into the commander’s office. “So you’re Tater Salad, the one who jumped with a fish named Willy MakeIt...” This was a nice greeting to hear given the circumstances; I let out a little laugh but made sure it wasn’t too hard because you never know with these guys. There had been plenty of times throughout the past where a genuine ass chewing was preceded by a wisecrack like that. I did my best to remain professional and appear as though I was taking the issue seriously (It’s all a front). “Roger Sergeant Major, people just call me Tater though… So no salad.”
He mostly wanted to make sure that there was no malicious intent behind this stunt. Harming animals is almost always wrong obviously so that was their primary concern. After assuring the Sergeant Major that I would never harm an animal, especially Willy, he began to wrap things up. “Well, after looking through your records it appears as though everyone likes their Tater. You were a squad leader at the rank of specialist which is impressive. Earned a CIB, Arcoms, AAMs, yada yada yada… I also notice that you had self enrolled into ASAP, care to explain anything about that?”…“Well, I did it for the promotion points Sergeant Major.” He let out a quick burst of laughter and said “Alright, if you say so.”
His decision was that our battalion commander would make the final determination in regards to me and Willy’s fate. This was a bit of a relief. In terms of Grand Theft Auto, I had pretty much gone from two stars down to one which meant that the punishment was going to be less severe than previously expected. Either way, I was ready for whatever though. One of the mottos has always and will always be “Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.” These are words to live by, especially in instances such as this.
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